In some stories they say that happiness goes hand in hand with being with someone you love, loving someone and being loved, that happiness surely cannot be built alone. For some it may be true. Some people need people. And it's good, you know, to be happy. One thing I know about myself is that I certainly don't need people. I lack the social capacity to connect. The more I look at my life, I feel that maybe I have never known happiness. Call me a nihilist. What is morality? What is trust? Who can you really trust? What is love? In the end. Everything means nothing .
and I am just one.fucked.up.person. deeply.fucked.in.the.head.

It has been nearly a year since I last wrote a blog. I miss being a blogger. I miss talking to nobody, somebody, a friend, a stranger, an enemy, an imaginary friend, or for that matter, just.. myself...

I was last speaking of my commencement, my worries regarding my future, and all that jazz. That future I was speaking about is finally here-- it is the present moment... and maybe you were wondering, "Hmm, so how did that turn out?" I had been doing "okay", "fine", "could be better", but I received the rejection letter last Monday for an "ideal" post at an "ideal" company. Well hey, at least I got to the final round.

So there goes my BIG dreams, reduced to its negative form. Gone.

I'd say I'm currently going through a big change. I'm dishearteningly depressed in many ways. I feel socially disconnected. I don't like to be around people. I kind of.. hate people. But not in an anti-social way.

I'm uninspired, "de-inspired".

Hmm.. I don't sound very good, do I.

I just don't know what I want, where I want to be, how I want my life.. Maybe I'm overthinking, but I don't have my sense of direction, so, I can't just easily "follow my heart".. What the fuck does that supposed to mean? "Follow your heart".. ????

Not a clue.

(abrupt ending)
dot
dot
..
.
dot